Category Archives: aging

Hormone Optimization Begins!

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I received my first shipment from Cenegenics of the various hormone replacements and supplements two days after my visit there.  It’s a LOT of stuff.  My Cenegenics doctor, Dr. Mayweather, sent me my schedule for taking them and the specific things they were addressing.

It was really nice when I sent her an email with a couple of questions and I got an immediate response.  I’ve gotten so used to the medical care system as it exists that it was a wonderful surprise.

I’m working on my “system” of remembering to take everything at the right time.  I have one pill that I’m supposed to take on an empty stomach without food.  So I put the bottle next to my toothbrush.  I have two creams that I’m to use in the morning so they’re on the bathroom counter with my other lotions and potions.  I have a pill case at my bedside and that’s where I put the things I’m supposed to take at bedtime.  Then there’s two packets plus four other things I’m supposed to take in the morning with food so I grabbed them this morning to have with my breakfast shake.  Another two packets and one pill at lunch or dinner time.  Phew!

I went there last Monday and today is Sunday.  It’s been a kind of stressful time since I was fighting lots of congestion (which I thought was a cold but am now pretty sure was allergies…Zyrtec seems to have done the trick).  My mother turned 90 and I made a celebration weekend for her.  I brought all my (3) kids into town plus my cousin flew down from Seattle.  I split the visits into two days so my mother wouldn’t be too overwhelmed.  Unfortunately, my mother’s mental condition continues to decline and combined with her lifelong emotional and personality issues…well, it’s not pretty.  She was able to pull it together for the “parties” but there was a LOT of upset and confusion before and after.

Even so, I maintained my diet and supplements.  I have lost FIVE POUNDS since Monday.  I don’t think I’ve ever lost that much weight in a week.  Obviously, I don’t expect to keep losing at that rate but it’s nice to see the scale move down for a change.

It’s hard to know if the supplements are “working.”  I definitely feel better and I noticed, last night, that I slept better.  When you change diet and take supplements and do some exercise…hard to know what to attribute the “better” feeling to.  There may be a placebo effect for all I know…that just taking them and believing they make a difference..they make a difference.

So…we’ll see.  The journey begins.

What I Hope For From Cenegenics

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I’m looking forward to my visit to the LA Cenegenics facility on Monday.  While googling around I saw a suggestion for “cenegenics scam.”  That caught my attention!  Have I been duped?  I was (and still am) worried that I am getting value for the money I’m spending.  The article I read from that search mostly seemed to be saying that Cenegenics is providing supplements and drugs (most notably HGH) that one could get from your own physician.  However, in my experience, my physician is not terribly interested in prescribing tests to address aging issues (like reduced hormonal output) nor is he interested in things like bioidentical drugs (he has me on Premarin).  I’m going to continue to wait-and-see.  I’m pretty sure that the doctor I meet with will prescribe stuff.  After all, I am going there to get help with issues like my energy level, weight loss, etc. and I’m hoping they will have stuff to give me that will help.  I guess, ultimately, there’s only one way to find out.

This, of course, is the problematic side of the internet.  You can find all kinds of information but it’s really hard to know what’s for real, what are just people’s opinions (informed or otherwise) and what is just an expression of a person’s biases.

I’m actually hoping that blogging my experience will help others to know what I experience and whether I feel that I’ve been helped.  I remain optimistic that Cenegenics knows something since they’ve been doing this for 16 years and now have 7 centers around the country.  Seems like you’d have to get something right to be able to sustain and grow that much.  Or, maybe I’m just justifying a significant financial outlay.

I’ll be heading up to LA on Sunday to stay with my son and his girlfriend so that’ll be nice to have a little visit with them.  My appointment is at (ulp!) 7:00AM.  That is freakin’ early for me.  I called to see if they could make it later but was told that it’s a better time to travel as LA traffic gets really wacky later in the morning.  Given my experiences with LA traffic I have no trouble believing that so I kept the 7AM time.  <sigh> And I was hoping for a nice blowout (wine, martinis, food, dessert) before embarking on the New Improved Me journey.  I don’t think I’d enjoy the fitness test and such while being hungover.

In advance of my appointment maybe I should describe (for myself if no one else) what I AM hoping to get by going to Cenegenics.

  • Energy.  I definitely feel that I don’t have the degree of energy that I would like.  I pretty much always have trouble waking up and hauling myself out of bed even when I’ve had a reasonable night’s sleep.  I often start feeling really sleepy in the late afternoon although I get my second wind around 6PM.  I feel like my default state is “tired.”  If you ask me what I want to do, what typically pops into my head is lie around and watch TV.  I don’t, usually do that, but if I’m honest that’s the way I feel.  Like everything is an effort.
  • Weight loss.  I have fought the same 40 pounds or so for a long, long time.  But this past year I’ve picked up a delightful extra 10 pounds.  So, on top of feeling low-energy I’ve got too much of me to drag around.  My weight wreaks havoc with my ability to feel good about myself, my body, my sexiness.  I have tried pretty much every weight loss plan there is.  Most recently I’m doing a low-carb/paleo type thing but my results are dismal.  Very discouraging.
  • Youthful look.  I’m told I look young for my age which is awesome when it happens!  I’m blessed with some good genetics and my skin is relatively unwrinkled and unmarked by age.  (I’ve been religious about the sun and sunscreen for years.)  However, I believe that I could definitely look better.  Obviously, weight loss and more energy would help but I’ll be curious if there are other things I can do.
  • Fitness.  This has become increasingly important to me.  For years, I’ve extolled the virtues of exercise and fitness to my mother (who is turning 90 this month), harangued her about letting herself go and having no muscle tone, etc.  But when I take an honest look at my own efforts…let’s just say they’re lacking.  I’m pretty sure that an improved level of fitness and physical activity would help in lots of ways but particularly with respect to aging.  I’m not sure what they can do for me in this area other than suggest ways for me to workout.  If it were that simple it wouldn’t be a problem for me (or anyone else)…we’d all have rock hard bodies.
  • Mental alertness.  I feel I’m still pretty acute mentally.  I’m a software professional and I haven’t really noticed much change in my ability to focus or execute intellectual tasks.  I do sometimes have to strain to remember a word or an actor’s name…things that rarely happened to me earlier in life.  And it scares the crap out of me when it does happen.  My mother (again…turning 90) was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago.  Her mental decline is quite frightening and sad to witness.  I realize that I am not her.  I have remained mentally engaged, I’m always learning new things, etc. but if there are therapies or programs I can do to maintain or, even increase, my mental capabilities now and into the future…sign me up.

It’s an ambitious list and I know there are no magic bullets.  Whatever the doctor at Cenegenics recommends I’m sure it will require participation on my part (i.e., I can’t just take the recommended drugs and/or supplements and expect a miracle).  And that’s the rub of course.  I have embarked on “programs” before…my follow through record sucks.

If anyone reading this has had experiences they’d like to share I’d love to hear from you!

As Mom says: It Sucks to Get Old

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It’s hard to watch your mother fall apart. Not that she isn’t still a total pain-in-the-ass…because she is. In fact, her decline into the sunset only exacerbates her difficulty.

Having a mother who has so consistently been wacky has it’s pluses and minuses. The pluses mostly come from the wealth of story material that she has provided for riotous dinner conversation. On the other hand, living through the story material can be emotionally tumultuous. Interactions with my mother have me balancing between the emotional sirens of frustration, anger, guilt, pity, fear and, hardest of all, love.

Yesterday and today are prime examples. I received a cell-phone call from her while in the car on the way to lunch.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Can you hear me mom?”

“Of course I can hear you. Where are you?”

“I’m in the car.”

“Did you get my message?”

“Uh no…I’m in the car. What’s the matter?” (Since I’d only left the office 5 minutes earlier and there were no messages I assume that she called during that 5 minutes.)

“I made an appointment with the doctor for 3:45 and you said you wanted to go with me.”

“Er…okaaay. Why are you going to the doctor? Do I need to pick you up?”

“I’m having excruciating pain in my ankle and it’s traveled up to my hip and I think it may be a blood clot. They (her driving service where she lives) will take me and wait for me but I thought you’d want to be there.”

“Sure…I want to be there. I’ll meet you at the doctor’s.”

“Oh…thank you……I just don’t know what to do…”

“Okay…calm down. I’ll meet you at the doctor…don’t worry.”

Now I have a regular therapy appointment every Monday at 5:00 (mostly to deal with issues resulting from my relationship with her). As it happens it’s in the same building as the doctor. So I figure no problem…I leave a little early, meet her, talk to the doctor and then off she and I go.

I arrive, promptly, at the doctor’s office to find her there…alone.

“Where’s the driver?”

“I told her she could leave.”

“What?! I thought you said they’d wait for you.”

“But I didn’t need them to wait because you’ll take me home.”

“I have a 5:00 appointment…I thought…You said….” Now her lip starts quivering.
“Nevermind…I’ll take you home…don’t worry about it.”

“You look tired.” Thanks.

After the mandatory waiting period, we’re called into the doctor. We now have the mandatory waiting in the examing room period.

“You look tired.” Thanks.

She gives her befuddled explanation about her ankle hurting, the pain traveling, etc. No, she didn’t injure it. No, nothing happened…it just started hurting. I must say the doctor exhibited immense patience. I’m guessing he sees a fair number of befuddled, argumentative people. I witnessed statements like:

“This pain is worse than childbirth.” “I have a high tolerance for pain but this is unbearable.” I tried not to comment since she seemed to have no trouble walking on the ankle, she had a spinal block when she had me and hasn’t experienced any serious injuries.

After examining her appendage the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong. He explained that he didn’t really think she had a blood clot but “just to be safe” she should have an ultrasound on the leg. Great. Of course, his receptionist can’t reach anyone at the ultrasound facility to make the appointment by now so I said I would schedule it the next day. By now it’s 4:50 and too late to take her home before my appointment. She graciously agrees to wait in the therapist’s reception area while I have my appointment (which I sorely need at this point). Feeling calmer after my appointment, I drive her home. Of course, we have to stop and pick up her Vicodin on the way…I considered taking some myself at this point.  I drop her off and say goodbye.

“You look tired.”  So I’ve heard.

In the morning, I call and make an appointment for the ultrasound. Fortunately, they can do it at 12:30 so I only have to miss a small part of one meeting. I drive up and pick her up, drive back down to the hospital. I drop her off so she won’t have to walk from the parking area and she “knows this place very well…I’ve been here so many times.” I park, walk down and out of the parking structure and find her wandering around the lobby.

“I can’t find the office…they must have moved.”

“It’s right here.” I open the door she’s standing in front of. Now I just feel bad for feeling irritated. We go in and I plant her in a chair while I check us in. While waiting she asks me 3-4 times if they’re going to ultrasound her leg. Reviews the form in front of her with agonizing detail 5 or 6 times. And, of course, I feel bad for feeling irritated.

They finally take us in for her ultrasound. The woman says, “Please remove your shoes, socks and pants and put this gown on. I’ll close this curtain so you’ll have privacy and just let me know when you’re ready.” Before she can turn around my mother has dropped her pants and is querulously asking, “why do I need a gown?” The technician, looking somewhat mortified, quickly closes the curtain and I patiently say, “she wants you to wear a gown, wear a gown” as I remove her shoes, socks and pants.

The technician performs the ultrasound, plying the wand up-and-down mom’s inner thigh and inner calf, occasionally squeezing various spots accompanied by dramatic wincing and exclamations from mom. I feel bad for being so callous.

“The pain is in my ankle…why aren’t you doing my ankle?”

“Mom, they’re checking to see if you have a deep vein thrombosis, a blood clot, your blood vessels aren’t in your ankle.”

“Well, when are they going to look at my ankle?”

“They’re not going to look at your ankle. They’re just looking at your blood vessels.”

“I want them to make the pain go away. Is someone else going to look at my ankle?”

“No, we’re just here about blood clots.” Variations of this conversation repeat during and for some time after the examination. The technician finishes, mom dresses and we’re done. Not with the conversation…just the appointment. The drive back to her home is accompanied by repetitions of “why didn’t they look at my ankle…that’s what hurts” and variations of “when are they going to make the pain go away.” I continue to try to explain and reassure. I repeat, again and again and again, that she probably unknowingly injured the ankle and it’s going to take some time to heal. Continue to apply heat, keep it raised and for god’s sake keep taking the pain medication.

I drop her off with her over-thanking me all teary-eyed. I feel bad. And sad. And tired. And worried.

Loving people can be hard.  And getting old does suck.

Recovering

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I hate to admit it but the trip took it out of me.  I’m feeling quite draggy, tired and sleepy.  Of course, it could be that I’m used to more activity and I should get my ass out there walking or yoga’ing or something but I just feel so pooped!  I think I’m sleeping okay.  Gyro’s thumping woke me up for a short bit last night but nothing major.  I just don’t feel rested.  And I had a migraine yesterday and feel like another is coming on.  Could this be the onset of old age?  An inability to recover from exertion?  It’s a little scary.  But, then, everything about getting older is a little bit scary.

Speaking of getting older, I had my usual dinner with mom yesterday.  We discussed (again) my wanting her to go to the doctor and be evaluated regarding her memory.  She asked, several times, why I thought that was necessary.  I explained, several times.  It clearly was upsetting her and she was looking for reasons why it was all perfectly normal.  I start feeling somewhat annoyed when she does that but then I realize that I would probably feel no different.  It’s hard to accept that things change, our abilities become reduced.  I look at her and want to do something different to try to ensure that her fate isn’t mine.  But am I doing that?  I know that things like regular exercise, good diet, losing weight and staying mentally engaged will make difference (maybe I should say that I believe they will make a difference)…but, still, I have trouble doing them.  Why is doing what’s “good” for us so hard.

I really hoped to maintain some regular exercise once we were back from our trip.  But this lingering tiredness is bumming me out.  It’s hard to get motivated to do anything.  Plus, there’s a ton of projects at home and work that I want to dig into and, so far, they’re not getting tackled yet either.  Maybe the best course for now is to figure out how to un-tire myself.

  • Diet:  cut back on the refined carbs.  I’m eating way too much bread, for example.  I think it’s related to comfort food to make me feel better but I suspect that it just makes me feel more tired and headachy.
  • Exercise:  walk!  If I can’t get myself early to do it I’ll do it when I get home.  That has it’s own challenges due to the Monday and Tuesday night commitments (not that I couldn’t walk after but that never seems to happen).
  • Sleep: get to sleep earlier?  What can I do to ensure I get a better night’s rest?  Maybe I’ll do some web research on that…get some suggestions.
  • Supplements:  another who knows?  But I guess it couldn’t hurt.

Good list.  Now to put it into action.  I know I’d feel better if I just get started.  So far my diet today has been good so now I’m going to take my vitamins and figure out the other two!